Self-compassion, for a lot of us, isn’t even in our vocabulary. It’s not something we regularly do or think about. It can seem like an impossible thing to practice when it comes to weight management. Our inner critic can be a constant, pestering voice reminding us of our failure to achieve the [unrealistic] expectations we set out for ourselves.
Why do we struggle to show ourselves the same kindness, understanding, and empathy that we would a friend or family member?
The truth is, practicing self-compassion may be one of the missing keys to finding success in managing our weight.
Today, we look at a paper written by a professor and mentor of mine, Dr. Shannan Grant, another local Haligonian and psychologist, Dr. Michael Vallis, as well as J.M Brenton-Peters, N.S Consedine, S.F.L Kirk, R Roy, & A Serlachius. The paper is titled “Rethinking weight: Finding self-compassion for ‘weight management‘“.
Before we jump in, it’s important…no, crucial…to know that weight management is more about health and wellbeing than it is about the number on the scale.
Ok, let’s dive in
To get us all on the same page, here are two important definitions (taken from the paper):
Self-compassion:
Treating oneself kindly in times of increased distress or difficulty. The ability or tendency to be kind to onself in times of distress, to suspend self-judgement, and adopt a kind and forgiving self-attitude.
Weight management:
A multi-faceted, complex process influenced by numerous factors that limit the impact of behaviour change on weight.
The reason why it is important to talk about self-compassion in a weight management context is that “…there is a need to reframe measures of success and provide innovative ways to cope with the challenges of managing body weight”.
In this way, “…practising self-compassion could [help us] buffer self-judgement when weight loss does not meet preconceived expectation and shift focus to healthcare and wellbeing”.
The weight management conundrum
When someone decides to manage their weight, they often do so with a number in mind; “I want to lose “X” amount of pounds”. This is where we see the weight management conundrum.
The reason we call it a conundrum, is that the exact amount of weight we lose is actually out of our control. This means that our body might actually be more comfortable at a different number than we originally chose. The numbers don’t necessarily reflect improvements in health either.
The diet industry though, markets itself by promoting the idea that using will power (just eating less), results in X amount of pounds lost, which “…perpetuate[s] the belief that higher body weight is caused by a lack of willpower to make healthy choices”. This further perpetuates weight stigma.
Weight stigma
Weight stigma:
Refers to social stereotypes and misconceptions about obesity. These social stereotypes and misconceptions include beliefs that people with obesity are lazy, awkward, sloppy, non-compiant, unintelligent, unsuccessful and lacking self-discipline or self-control.
**If the concept of weight bias or weight stigma are new to you, you can learn more at this link from Obesity Canada.
Back to the conundrum
It’s also helpful to understand that your body actively fights against weight loss. Subconsciously, your brain does not want to lose weight. I’ve written about this topic here: How Your Brain Secretely Sabotages Your Intention to Eat Healthier.
For some, biological weight loss alarm bells go off more aggressively. Examples of this include your body subconsciously turning down your metabolism, or even make you fidget less! This makes it even more difficult to lose weight. Neither of those two examples are in your direct control. It’s your biology saying, “woah woah, hold on, shut this weight loss down!”
*Have you heard about the Gatekeeper, the GoGetter, and the Sleep Executive? Watch this video to learn about the biology of weight management and why it can be so difficult!
This is not to say that weight loss is impossible, but more to say that it can be very difficult for many people for reasons out of their control.
Some healthcare practices, like Habitrition, approach weight management from a health-focused perspective. This is done by “replacing the willpower narrative with more compassionate health-oriented messaging that acknowledges the systemic challenges of weight management.”
Instead of focusing on quick fixes or unrealistic outcomes, we focus on behaviour changes that lead to health gains.
Integrating self-compassion with weight management
The good news about self-compassion, is that it is trainable. The more we practice it, the easier it becomes.
There are three elements of self-compassion:
Mindful awareness:
Being aware "...of negative thoughts and experiences without overidentifying them."
Common humanity:
"Recognizing that all humans struggle and sometimes suffer", in a way to reduce feelings of isolation and stigma.
Self-kindness:
"Caring for the body and mind, without self-judgement or criticism."
Consider that “being self-compassionate does not prevent the experience of negative thoughts or emotions.” Instead, self-compassion allows us to “stay present and gently cope with negative emotions to moderate behaviour”.
Practicing self-compassion provides us with a tool to help deal with the effects of weight stigma and stress, while promoting healthy behaviours. It allows us to acknowledge the negative thoughts we are having, but not necessarily identify as them.
When we focus on health first, we acknowledge that our health can improve regardless of the weight on the scale. As they state in the paper, “Good health can be achieved at many different weights. Individuals’ best weights vary.”
Bringing it all together
I believe that dietitians are uniquely positioned to play an important role in health-focused weight management. If you are considering working on your health via nutrition, consider working with a registered dietitian. Dietitians lead with empathy, curiosity, and understanding.
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If you know me, you know I like a good quote. Here are two that I think beautifully wrap this up:
From a place of love and support, we grow. It’s an act of self-discipline to be kind to the self. To be a good friend. Don’t beat yourself up. Build yourself up. Make yourself better. That’s what friends do.
– Ryan Holiday
If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.
– Dr. Brene Brown
To learn more on the topic from one of the authors. View this presentation, from psychologist Dr. Vallis here for free: Arm yourself with the tools to live healthy. I highly recommend watching this one.
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